Jersey #9: Kentucky's Journey

It's amazing what a difference the little things can make. One phone call. One kind word. Someone to talk to over a meal of much-needed Mexican food.

A few days ago, I was on the verge of jumping ship. A lifestyle I had invested myself in had turned its back on me. Friendships I had valued were all but dissolved. My passion for a thing I had loved so very much was impossible to detect.

And then, things began to change.

One caring individual took me out to lunch, bought me some comfort food, and reminded me that some people do care. He didn't have to say a lot. Just took some time out of his day to listen a bit and offer some general advice about life. It's not that it even mattered all that much what he said. I think sometimes we just need to be reminded that we are not drowning in the abyss alone - to hear someone say, "Your life sucks right now. I understand that. Only you can make it better, but I will be here cheering you on". I didn't eat a lot at that meal, but I did soak up the company and wisdom of another human being, which was of far greater value to me than the food. Soul nourishment, you could say - and I certainly needed it.

The next day, looking upon my world with slightly brighter eyes, I learned that perspective is a funny thing. When I first began playing rugby, I believed that I was an immediate rock star. I remember imagining (falsely, of course) that there wasn't a girl in the world who could take me down or whom I couldn't take down. I believed I was immensely strong, I thought my passes were amazing, and that my knowledge was unsurpassed. Five years and much criticism later, I see the opposite. I see my passing as weak and inaccurate, my tackling suspect, my strength inferior, my speed downright embarrassing, and my knowledge as verging on the non-existent. In reality, I have likely improved by 100% in every category since my first playing days until now. However, the competition was easier and my standards were much lower. Even so, I believe in all things it is easy to forget how far we've come when we still have so far to go. Luckily I was given a reminder of the value of reviewing perspective upon meeting a few college rugby girls in the gym. Having recently had a discussion about how desperately I needed to improve my strength, I was working very hard on the weights in the hope of making some strides in that area. I didn't say much to the girls, just asked them their names and positions and told them I knew their coach and was thinking about helping out in the spring....Upon returning home, my teammate and their coach tells me, "You are going to love this. One of my girls just returned from the weight room and was telling me about how she had met U23 such and such player at the gym. She says to me, 'ohmygod she's jacked!'"

After I recovered from a fit of laughter, I realized that indeed, perspective is a funny thing. Looking back through the eyes of a wide-eyed college player, I realize now how proud of myself I would have been for having made it this far, and how much I would have killed back then for the skill and athleticism I have managed to create for myself through hard work and dedication.
I realize now that I must keep playing, not only to fulfill the dreams of the wide-eyed freshman college player I once was, but to rediscover the kind of passion which bore those dreams in the first place. I played because I loved it. And you know what, I still love it.


In a case of good things happening in threes, I am also happy to report that some of the absentees from my life seem to be slowly but surely reappearing. It's interesting that only a couple nights ago I would blog about having reached the breaking point in dealing with my losses, only to experience a surge at just the right time as to save my sanity. There is no greater feeling than to hear the voice of a sorely missed friend, especially one whom you were not sure you would ever hear from again, sounding from the receiver of the telephone. It's even better when the words are kind, the temperament is jovial, and all seems to have reconciled without skipping a beat. If the lessons we learn from past mistakes are kept in place, then perhaps a renewed friendship could prove better than the original.



To sum all of this up....I'm on a roll right now. Nothing insanely inspiring or magical has happened - just the return of normalcy. A compliment from a stranger, the voice of an old friend, and the company and kind words of another human at mealtime - all things easily taken for granted when present, and devastatingly missed once gone. Proof that the meat of life lies in the little things. In ourselves. In each other. In being ourselves with each other. As Winston Churchill said,


"Out of intense complexities intense simplicities emerge"


Amen to that.