Jersey #9: Kentucky's Journey

Okay, so for some that may have read this before, this might seem a bit repetitive. But what happened was, well....I had written some stuff down...then thought about it...then took it off, and then was encouraged to post it back up again. So anyways, here are my thoughts on rugby jealousy, and it's effect on me...


So a couple days ago I get a phone call from a very good friend of mine, announcing that she had been invited to the Women's National Team training camp for the second time....now, despite the knife piercing through my heart feeling I get when I hear this news, I pretty much have to smile, say congrats, and try to swallow the giant lump in my throat as she describes the details of the event. It's not that I'm not happy for her advancement - really, I am. But what am I supposed to say to that? "Guess what? I got invited to the senior Eagle camp!" ...."Guess what!??! I DIDN'T!" - I mean, seriously...and it's not that I would expect an invite, on the contrary I would actually have been pretty shocked - I'm sure I'm barely even on the radar because no one has seen enough from me yet.....but it's not only that I don't expect to be invited, it's that she doesn't expect me to be either; and for that reason it doesn't even seem to cross her mind that I would pretty much run over my own grandma to be in her spot. And that it hurts a whole lot to hear about the successes that seem to come so easily for her and others, when I'm struggling for every single inch.

Though some sacrifices come in slow steady increments - the hours of practice and training building up over many years to form a lifetime of commitment - there are other kinds of sacrifice that have become excrutiatingly clear to me over the past few months, and make these kinds of comparisons and disappointments all the more poignant. Reaching my goals has become more than just an afterthought that comes to mind when school and playtime are pushed to the side. There was a long period of time when I believed I could make it the easy way like so many others - put a few hours in the gym, go to practice, spend a little extra time on skills and Ta dah! I would be there. And at first, only a few months into my rugby career and suddenly on a trip to the UK, it seemed like that. But that would last only so long for me. Unlike others blessed with so much natural athleticism and talent, I finally understand that it's going to take quite a bit more for me to put myself on an equal playing field with those folks who glide right to the top.

So that's what I've been doing. And that's pretty much ALL I've been doing. I spend my days training religiously every morning at 6:00am, which means waking at 5:30am, which means going to bed no later that 10:30pm. All the time in between is spent in class, studying, or doing a ton of cooking and calorie counting in hopes that I might add some coveted muscle weight to my frame. I don't go out to eat, I don't go to parties, and most weekends my truck doesn't even leave the parking lot. My new form of entertainment is hiking with Brutus through the snow, which, no offense to Brutus, is fun but less that conversationally stimulating. It's not that I don't enjoy being healthy and working to improve myself - but sometimes when I get late night drunk dials or look at old pictures of myself partying with the best of them, I miss that old life...and I'm not too proud to admit how gd jealous I get knowing that there are quite a few people out there who can enjoy those perks and still make it to the top...I mean, let's get one thing straight, I am not a fun-hater. In fact, those that know me pretty well might be reading this and thinking, "yeah right, she woudn't give up Jack Daniels to save her life!"...well, that' might be true, but I would give up Jack Daniels to save my rugby career. And I won't do it for money, or titles, or to prove something to anyone. I'll do it because the best days of my life were spent out on the pitch, on the road, and in the hotel rooms with some of the most talented rugby players in the country. I've made the best friends a girl could ask for, traveled to places I otherwise would have never seen, and I've done it all while wearing the colors of my country on my back. How many people can say that? Not many, and I'm certainly not ready to give it up.

So while I may be jealous of the ease with which so many others like my friend seem to glide right past me while I'm here, drenched in sweat and struggling to pedal uphill, I cannot lose focus on my own path as I covet their achievements. I've made it over the hump, and now I just have to keep my legs pumping until I reach the top. On my way, I may find myself jealous of those whose naturaly talent allows them speed past on their shiny motorbikes and air conditioned cars, but the truth is that motors break down and cars run out of gas. And when that happens I will still be pedaling...driving steadily uphill with the knowledge that if I ever do pull on that senior Eagle jersey and stand to hear my country's anthem, I'll have earned every stitch of that jersey and every note of that song.

And it will be worth it.

Okay, so a friend just posted this picture of me on a private blog we have and I almost peed myself laughing....I have no excuses except that I was in high school when this picture was taken, which is to say, I was even more ridiculous than I am now. At any rate, I hope it brings some joy to your day!

P.S. Yes, those are pictures of Veggie Tales and Richard Nixon posted on my door in the background...again, no excuses...

*snicker* *giggle*...haha...

Even though the ground is still covered with a thick layer of snow, and poor Brutus hasn't been on a real walk in about two weeks due to the artic chill, I found the inspiration to spend this morning oiling up my boots with leather food, and locating my trusty scrum cap. Why? Well, as I stepped outside this morning and found that the temperate was FINALLY in the positive degrees - a forecast of 29 today! - I started thinking about what the date might be....sure enough, it's already February 11th! That's only three days away from my least favorite holiday (I have never been in a relationship on V-Day, and thus never received a real valentine...but before I crack open a box of Franzia and start drowning my sorrows, I'll move on) - much more importantly, it's only 20 days away from my first rugby game of the season! YAY!!! Making the event even more exciting, is that this isn't a game for UNI, but a Midwest U23 event. I'll get to play with some of the best players in the Midwest (or for that matter, the country), catch up with some of my best rugby buddies, and also see some new faces just moved up from the U19 bracket. Better yet, we'll be playing in Memphis, which not only means that it will be MUCH warmer than it is here, but also that I'll get to utilize my redneckness for the weekend, go to Elvis's home for the first time, and just breathe that sigh of relief I always feel whenever I'm back in the south...

I'm not certain, but I feel like we're playing Mid-south u23 something or others - I should probably pay more attention. At any rate, we'll get two games in and supposedly I'll be holding the 9 jersey for both. Honestly, I can't wait to get out there. I've worked so hard over the course of this off-season, and I really want to get out there and see how all this commitment pays off on the field...I think this could be a very good year for me...

Yay, rugby =)

Yeah. That pretty much describes yesterday for me, and this morning.

Yesterday morning I woke up as usual at 5:30am so that I could get to the gym by 6:30 and do some sprints and throw some angry scrumhalf passes at the wall. I got up feeling a little drowsy and stuffy, but just brushed it off as being extra sleepy and went about my business.

Then I got to the gym and started on my sprints. After going through just three runs I seriously felt like quitting. My legs were moving and my body felt okay, but there was just this overwelming "ugh" feeling encapsulating me. However, I still thought this feeling just involved sleepiness, so I took a big internal gulp, and looked toward my favorite motivational trigger phrases. For instance:

"Navy seals wake up at 3am and swim through the dark ocean with sand in their underwear and no one cares how they feel"

OR

"Lance armstrong had cancer and he still rode his bike"

Or my favorite and most popular internal conversation begins with a question:

"What would Jonny do??" and then I usually answer my question with something like, "Jonny would train, dammit"

Okay, so I know that sounds a little more than psychotic, but it works for me, and I got through my workout, angry scrumhalf passes included.

Then I went home, took a shower, and again the blah feeling resurfaced. I began to get ready for school but then I just thought. Okay, this isn't normal, I must be getting sick. Maybe if I just go to sleep now and sleep for the rest of the day then I'll get rid of it.

Well, that's what I did ALL DAY yesterday - I slept and watched tv...nothing else. Brutus was even kind enough to snuggle and keep me extra warm. I even skipped practice in the interest of my health, and didn't set my alarm this morning to go to the gym. But you know annoys me??? I just feel exactly the same as I did yesterday - no worse, no better. Still BLAH. My food tastes icky and I have no energy, but other than that - I'm fine.

What is this plague upon my training? I suppose maybe I have some sort of virus and my immune system is doing an effective enough job at expelling it...but that the fight is taking up all my energy and I'm feeling those side-effects. That, I suppose, is better than puking my guts out, but still very frustrating. I suppose I'll just have to wait to get better...

In the meantime, I'll be here on my couch, feeling icky, and wondering "What would Jonny do?"

hmmm...

Probably sleep.....sweet rugby dreams everybody.



P.S. Does anyone else use any crazy motivational trigger phrases for those days when the last thing you want to do is workout?? Just curious...because some ppl tell me I'm crazy on this, but I'm betting there are other crazies out there ;)

Okay....so I'm trying not to get too excited. But here is the update on my 4o yard time. Tonight at practice we ran indoors on the track in tennis shoes. No wind. I don't know why I'm reporting conditions but, whatever, they do it in the Olympics and right now I feel like an Olympian...

Anyways, so...Da da da DUM! my first run was a:

5.42!!!!!!!

I know, right!?! Okay, so if you don't know me, you probably don't understand the significance of that little number, so let me explain. I have always been, well, that slow kid that people mistake as looking really fast. When I first started playing rugby I weighed a buck fifteen and ran a 6.6 (wow) 40 yard time. Ridiculous. Luckily at u19 tryouts fate intervened and something happened to cause us to NOT time 4o's (thank the good Lord). Since that time, I have been able to lower my 40 to somewhere around a 5.9-6.1. Still not so hot (okay, so terrible) but an improvement. As time has gone on and I have advanced to higher levels, my 40 has kind of been my thorn in my side - an achilles heel, if you will. My goal, therefore, has been to lower it to a 5.7 flat - that's all I asked...

So imagine my sheer disbelief and utter amazement when I saw this time written down beside my name after my first run. "No f***ing way" was all I said to my coach". I then proceeded to find my way to the back of the line and prayed to all that was good and holy that I wouldn't run through the second time and pull a more likely 5.9...

So what happened? Another 5.42? Or did I clock something like a 6.1 and accept the first run as a fluke....welll.....I ran a:

5.61!!!

Yeah, I know!! Not as fast as the first run, but WHO FREAKING CARES!!! That's still over two tenths of a second faster than my previous fastest time. To check for accuracy, I went over and checked out everybody elses times - completely normal, if not a little on the slow side. Could it be? Am I no longer the slow kid??? I really really REALLY hope so. Average those babies out and you get a solid 5.51...an AVERAGE of a 5.51!!! I'm sorry...I just can't contain myself.

We'll be timing again next week and so I'll find out just how accurate these things are in a hurry...for now, I'll just enjoy this momentary blissssss =)